How NOT To Apply For A Job:
- Show up a solid 40 minutes before the business opens (while it's still dark outside and nothing else nearby is open) and lurk creepily
- Wait for the opening manager to go outside to do things like set up the umbrellas, grab the newspapers, etc., and proceed to demand that she turn on the Wi-Fi. (Bonus points for grousing about how the Wi-Fi should never be turned off to begin with when she politely explains that she has no control over that and it will auto-turn-on when the cafe opens.)
- Stand around inside the cafe as soon as it opens, scowling at the menu, touching and leafing through everything you can find, and mumble incomprehensibly and menacingly to yourself. When asked if you can be helped with something, refuse to talk to anyone except the manager.
- Loudly complain (two minutes after opening) that the Wi-Fi STILL isn't up and announce that you're going to call Corporate to take them to task for failing to have it turned on when it was supposed to be.
- Announce that you are going to apply for a job at the cafe. Type in the wrong internet address (even though the correct one is listed sixteen places readily at hand, or available via Google). Upbraid the manager (who is busy trying to do her job) when the site asks for a credit card to charge you for submission.
- Find some reason to demand to see the poor beleagured manager every fifteen minutes or so for the full two hours that you stay lodged in the cafe's back corner, grouching or complaining every time.
- Leave about ten minutes before the General Manager comes in, so he can't tell you to knock it off and/or ask you to leave.
Note: I requested that if my GM actually interviewed the gentleman who did exactly all of the above, he do so on one of my shifts during my break so I that I can sit inconspicuously at a nearby table and be stupidly entertained. I know, I'm a horrible person...ha!
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