No Kids Allowed

In the last few years there has been a recurring trend in the news provocatively titled the “No Kids Allowed Movement”. It flares up every time a business bans (or considers banning) children from a place or activity. Movie theaters, restaurants, airplanes, housing developments – the list varies but the fury and backlash are constant.

Bitterness, honest frustration and deep concern are bandied about in Internet comments and spirited articles until eventually the intelligent arguers genuinely seeking a resolution come to the central truth of the matter.


It's not kids that are the problem – it's the lack of good parenting and basic respect for others that's at issue.

While plenty of ink has been spilled on that theme, the angle that most gets under my skin is rarely addressed – businesses can't fix the problem; expecting them to is both pointless and unfair.

Ban opponents indignantly claim that simple, clearly stated policies requiring ill-behaved families to leave upon request are enough to address the complaints of other patrons. It sounds good, but has no more basis in everyday reality than purple flying unicorns.

It's nearly impossible to evict someone from a business unless they pose a clear and present danger to others regardless of stated policies.

In the event that an individual did step in, he'd be risking his job (including future employability) and inviting the vicious, bank-breaking discrimination/ defamation lawsuits that our society is rife with right now. Even winning such a case carries blistering social and financial costs; for a small business they can easily prove fatal.

In our litigious society, companies are safer making a blanket “no kids” policy than they are in trying to enforce reasonable standards of politeness and common sense.

My heart goes out to parents doing everything they can to raise polite, respectful and well-adjusted children. I pity today's children who have so many fewer freedoms than their parents and grandparents had because the carelessness and self-righteousness of others is eroding their opportunities. All I can ask is that we not unnecessarily and unkindly expand the scope of hurt and damage by laying blame and false motives at the feet of people equally impotent to force positive change and just as frustrated.

While I don't believe there are any easy answers, I have seen some simple but surprisingly effective tools of intervention that I'd like to share.

1. Set An Example – Many good parents do this already, and they are the best hope for derailing the “no kids allowed” movement. Actively teach your children to behave in public and use good judgment when deciding when and where to take them to limit the trouble triggers. (If you don't have kids, make an effort to ask your friends with kids what's easiest for them before you make plans. Don't make assumptions – be an active part of the solution!)

2. Speak Up – Managers may not be able to say much, but other patrons can! If you see someone out of line speak up! Don't be rude, but draw attention to the fact that the child's unsupervised behavior could put him/her at risk of injury. (Use your best concerned smile and see what kind of nasty response they can come up with that doesn't make them look like a loser-of-the-year-award contestant.)

3. Speak Up Some More – See a parent doing something right? Tell them so – and keep telling them! They need the encouragement, and other parents need to know people are noticing and caring.

4. Be (Politely) Explicit – It seems that some parents interpret things like too-hot plates or poorly-timed kids meals as inherently “anti-children”. Please, clearly and politely discuss with your server what you're looking for from the start. If they absolutely can't do it (food temperature rules for example are simply not optional or flexible), listen to their reasons and take them up with the people who have the power to do something about it at a more appropriate time. Don't make a scene or blow someone off as an uncaring idiot. Sure, there are bad servers in the world (God knows I'd had – and managed – my fair share, but most are awesome people in a tough situation. Help them help you!)

5. Show Grace – No matter where you stand on this issue (or any issue), purposely showing grace makes all the difference. We're all imperfect, doing the best we can but with grace and elbow grease there's still plenty of hope to turn the tide!