The Compleat Works of Wllm Shakespeare [Abridged] [Revised]

Image belongs to Glimmerglass and/or the Farmer's Museum

I have always been a judgmental reader with high standards. With the notable exception of Tolkien, I was almost never a fan of anything considered a “classic… which I’m sure you can imagine made me a joy in high school and college lit classes. I long harbored a particular dislike for both Shakespeare and Dickens. Frankly, I was quite convinced Dickens wouldn’t have ever written a single word if anti-depressants had been available to him.

Shakespeare largely fell victim to my high expectations for strong characters. Compared to the brave souls I was reading about in historical fiction, science fiction and fantasy novels at the time, the Bard’s cast simply wasn’t impressive. Romeo threw tantrums like a two-year old, MacBeth let his wife treat him like a doormat, and my tenth grade teacher essentially boiled the entire plot of Julius Ceasar down to “Brutus was an honorable man”… the fact that he killed his best friend apparently not withstanding.

This low opinion makes it all the more entertaining that I had such a fabulous time this past weekend at a show entitled “The Compleat Works of William Shakespeare [Abridged] [Revised]”. Presented in partnership between a local theatre company and nearby living history museum, the show was billed as “three men hilariously try and fail to present all Shakespeare’s works in 90 minutes”.

The tickets were a good price, and we actually didn’t have anything scheduled that day, so scheduled an impromptu date to go check it out. It was a gorgeously sunny afternoon as we headed to the museum’s beautiful stone barn, which had been restored and turned into a giant multi-purpose space with enormous sliding doors, folding wooden shutters, wide plank floors, and a small stage.

From the show’s introduction by an ostensible “pre-eminent Shakepearian scholar” – complete with a certificate from PreEminentShakespearianScholar.com – and the somewhat confused bio of the Bard which another actor read to us from Wikipedia via his phone (that somehow accidentally switched to Hitler’s bio halfway through), we knew we were in for a good time.

Highlights of the show included Titus Andronicus presented as a cooking show, all of Shakespeare’s histories condensed and presented as a football game (with two of the actors using a crown in place of a football, tackling and stabbing each other as the sportscaster style narration tracked the passing of the crown through kings John, Richard and Lear) and a neat compilation of nearly all of the comedies into a single, massive bacchanalian party.  Nearly every female character necessitated the donning of a stringy blonde wig and the swigging of poison, followed by subsequent profuse (faux) vomiting and dramatic death (despite insistence from the “Pre-Eminent Shakespearan Scholar” that no such vomiting actually happened in the plays).

The show ended with Hamlet, which was turned into an interactive experience for the audience as we recreated Ophelia’s deep inner turmoil. Yours truly was elected to go on stage to play the role of Ophelia’s id, screaming dramatically. (Because who else would you choose for such a job besides an introvert?) On the bright side, it gave me a perfect position from which to watch different sections of the audience get corralled into playing other parts of Ophelia’s psyche. My personal favorite was the section assigned to say “Cut the crap, Hamlet! My clock is ticking, and I want babies now!”  Seriously, if Shakespeare’s women had actually been that direct in the plays, think how differently things would have turned out!

Everything ended on a high note by the actors recapping Hamlet in 30 seconds, first in order… and then backwards! The entire show was a riot, and we had a wonderful time. If you ever get a chance to go see the show, I highly recommend it.

If You Get A Dumpster

Have you ever read the book If You Give A Mouse A Cookie?  It’s a children’s book, and the basic storyline goes like this: If you give a mouse a cookie, he’ll want milk to go with it. That will lead to wanting another thing, and then another thing, and so on until you find yourself exhausted six hours later having given the crazy mouse everything but the kitchen sink.

I think someone should write a sequel for adults called “If You Rent a Dumpster” – because it seems to work very much the same way! If you’ve already rented a dumpster, and you’re going to pay the same whether you return it dead empty or stuffed to the gills, you may as well throw in everything you can think of that will need to go eventually anyway, right?

Following that logic, while we had a dumpster parked in the driveway at the beginning of July for our garage roof project we decided to tackle a few other things that had been “on the list” since we had a little extra room to fill in the dumpster.

First up: removing the shutters.

We’ve known since our first summer here that wasps liked to build nests behind the shutters on the two windows on the front of the house. With the shutters screwed directly into the siding, there wasn’t a lot we could do except hit them with Raid when we saw activity. So after the garage roof was knocked out, we grabbed the ladder and screw gun (and Raid!) and set about getting the shutters pulled down. I can’t begin to tell you what it was like to watch as the shutters came off and dozens of wasp nests (mostly dead, thankfully) spilled out from behind them!! I promptly decided that if I ever have shutters on a house again, they’re going to be real and functional so they can easily be cleaned behind!

 

Next up: Ripping out the tub.

Some used exactly zero common sense when setting up our Master Bathroom. The shower stall is quite small and tucked behind the door, and the tub was set in a corner alcove created by the shower stall and two walls… which made sitting in the tub feel a bit like being in a cave, staring at the blank wall that was the back of the shower. Very strange.  We tried it exactly once, at which point I discovered that (by some quirk of the plumbing) it took forever to fill the tub, and that I couldn’t make it feel clean no matter how many times I bleached it. (I blame the tub’s weird 70’s mustard yellow color.)

After that, it was officially ignored. We agreed that when we eventually redo the master bath, both the tub and shower stall are coming out and we’ll be rearranging the setup into something much more functional. So, with a dumpster sitting in the driveway with plenty of space still in it, we headed into the bathroom with some tools (and safety glasses and dust masks!) to rip out the tub!

It was very loud and bit messy, but once we got it ripped and hauled out, the improvement was impressive! The bathroom now feels huge and the space is much faster to clean.

(We filled what remained of the dumpster space with odds and ends we’ve collected off the property that needed to go, and are quite pleased.)

Thus ends my cautionary tale: if you get a dumpster, be prepared to get a head start on other projects – because once you’ve got it, you’ll be compelled to fill it!

What’s Working For Me This Summer

In the tradition of  Works For Me Wednesdays and What I’m Into linkups, I thought I’d write quick post about things that have (in some cases surprisingly) worked for me this summer. 

1              Spring Cleaning…. In July (and August)
Between the uncooperative weather, an early start on the year’s projects and everything else, my plan to do some thorough Spring Cleaning was repeatedly delayed. Instead of starting spring with an in-depth scrubbing, I ended up doing my deep clean of the house in July and August. Although not what I planned, it's actually worked out quite well - I caught up from Spring and got a head start on my Fall cleaning!

2              Kindle Unlimited
In June, Amazon ran a special – a free month trial subscription to Kindle Unlimited. Happily, the timing coincided with my quest to get my hands on a pile of books on how to do a great TED talk – and KU had tons of them! I’m on my second month in, and I’m hooked. For $10 a month, KU is saving me oodles of time and money. (Bonus: I can write it off as a business expense!)

3              Fat Bombs
Paleo Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup fat bombs have been a God-send this summer. Made in batches in mini-cupcake liners and frozen, they are an instant healthy option when I’m in a hurry or craving something sweet. They keep my energy levels even, and prevent me from reaching for less constructive options.

4              Glass “Tupperware”
We grabbed a 3-pack of gasket-ed glass food containers as an experiment, and they’ve been worth every penny. No more salad dressing, condiments, or juice from diced fruit leaked all over lunch boxes! Durable, versatile, and BPA free, they have been perfect this summer. Now I know exactly what I’ll be replacing the rest of my Tupperware with as it dies. 

5              Strategic Investments
We’ve done a lot of paring down this year as we continuously re-assess what we have, what we’re doing, and what we want. At the same time, we’ve consciously invested in some quality tools: a couple new kitchen knives (that should last forever), a new cooler (certified bear-proof), a new (take-no-prisoners) iron. Each seems small on its own, but together they're adding up to a well equipped, highly functional whole.

6              Fresh Flowers

Somehow our yard randomly started blooming with a host of new wild flowers this year that we don’t remember ever having before. Our neighbor identified one as mullin; the others remain a mystery. Mystery or not, they’re beautiful and I’ve taken to picking a fresh handful every week and keeping them in pint size canning jars on the table and in the bathroom. They are simple, but they smell lovely and make me smile every time I see them. 

What is working for you this summer?

 

Summer Projects: Pear Trees

Every year we enter reach spring with an ambitious list of projects, chomping at the bit to get started. (Incidentally, where do I opt out of this whole “Climate Change” thing? I seriously resent how late Spring starts these days, and how wet the summers have been!)

This year, one of our top projects was planting pear trees. We have long agreed that plants should earn their keep; if we’re going to carve out space and time to tend something it needs to contribute. Fruit trees decidedly fit the bill.

In May, we did a ton of work in and around the back corner of the yard and the spot we’d picked out for our new trees. We opened it up, taking down spindly pines and some larger trees that would have blocked the sunlight, figured out what the soil pH was to make sure it would appropriate, etc.

Our baby pear trees!

Then we headed to the local nursery and grabbed four pear trees: one Bartlett, two Commice, and a Seckel. We set them up in a beautiful, sunny spot and crossed our fingers. That combination should allow for strong cross-pollination and allow us to expand to other varieties in the future if we decide we want to.

So far, they’re thriving! Other than the fact that the deer ate all the little tiny baby pears off of them, they’re strong and growing well.  

Fruit trees are a long-term investment, of course. It will be years before there’s any kind of good return, but for now we’re delighted to have crossed this item off our list and to have taken our property one step closer to our larger vision of all it can be.